she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
