its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
