Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
