arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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