He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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