i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
