Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
