Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
