whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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