smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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