I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize