i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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