So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
