the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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