'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
