why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
