dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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