I am puke
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
