Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
