Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
