it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
