How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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