I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize