i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
