I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
