Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
