sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
