Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
