Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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