Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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