I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
