do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
