just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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