shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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