I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
