btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
