I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize