no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
i drank out of a bidet.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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