The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
