I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
