we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize
