it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
