and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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