I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
