Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize