3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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