I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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