Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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