what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
