oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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