I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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