if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
