Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
