dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
