I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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