She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
