so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
