no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
