Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
