I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
