I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
