at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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