9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
