Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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