shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize